Authored by Purnima Toolsidass, Calcutta
All of us, regardless of how old we are, or how
brave we are, have experienced regret from not
having spoken up when we had an opinion to give.
So, there is nothing very unusual about it, but
it is a fact that we can avoid feeling guilty or
ashamed - and also do quite a lot of good - if
we analyze what stops us from speaking up, and
how we can overcome the factors that make us
hesitate to speak up.
One common reason is diffidence. As a child, I
was not sure that what I felt was right, and I
didn't want to make a fool of myself and be
rebuked or laughed at. Another reason was that I
felt afraid of the repercussions of going
against the power of the person who was saying
or doing something I felt was not quite right.
Sometimes, this was a friend who would have felt
let down if I had spoken against her. At times,
it was a teacher or a parent, or a friend's
parent and the teaching we get from a very small
age - not to argue with those who know better! -
made me keep quiet. The reason that really
bothered me and which I was reluctant to admit
even to myself, was that people would laugh at
me, and think me to be silly. They would no
longer want me in their group and I would become
isolated and miserable. I felt I was being
cowardly and despised myself for it, but still I
could not find the courage to overcome my fear
enough to speak up.
Later, as I grew older and more self-confident,
I wondered whether it would have made a
difference had I spoken up. This was my mind
playing tricks to assuage my conscience. I know
how hurt I've been when someone I trusted as a
friend kept silent when injustice was done to
me, and I have to admit that my friend would
have felt equally let down when I didn't speak
up for her or him.
And, why only a friend? There were times when I
should have told my father that he was being
unfair to my mother, sister, or brother. There
were times when I should have told my mother
that she was too harsh with my sibling or that
she was quarreling with my dad for something he
could not help - like not giving her more money
for a new sari. But I didn't. Oh, I admit that I
made plausible excuses for myself - maybe some
of them were even true - like things would have
worsened had I interfered, etc. But these are
excuses and I can admit it because they are in
the past.
Yet, the question remains, have I learnt to
speak up against wrong even today? Is it
timidity that keeps me silent when an auto
driver is rude to a senior citizen who is
irritatingly slow in making his payment and
getting off the vehicle? I feel sorry for the
elderly person, or the woman who has a small
child and his bags to manage, but I also feel
sorry for the auto driver who probably has to
get as much income as he can, to pay off his
dues and feed his children. Torn between the two
thoughts, I watch silently wishing the world was
not so full of poverty and suffering. These make
us callous and cruel, and deprive us of the
kindness and gentleness that could have made us
happier and healthier, and better able to make a
better living.
However this may be, I am glad to say that I do
speak up when I see an animal ill-treated, and I
have managed to learn the trick of doing this
without arousing antagonism that would have made
the perpetrator of cruelty take out its anger on
another vulnerable creature later on. The method
I've found works best is to say, 'Why are you
doing this? It's just a poor hungry animal who
can't understand what you are angry about?'
Sometimes I say, 'Cool down; getting angry is
not good for your heart (if it's an old man).
Whipping the pony will only make it more
stubborn. Wait five minutes and try again, more
gently, I'm sure you'll get a better response.'
If it's a child, I say, 'People will think you
are a bully if you do that!' And I never miss a
chance to praise someone who is kind to an
animal, because kindness and compassion need to
be encouraged, if we are ever to have the kind
of society that brings happiness and safety.
This I learnt when I spoke up for a dog that was
kicked and the angry man kicked the dog again
because he felt offended at my criticism!
I can't tell you how good I feel when I do speak
up for what I feel is right. And, every time I
do this, I go up in my own opinion and feel so
satisfied that a dozen ice creams are nothing to
compare to it!
© Arked Infotech 2017