Authored by : Purnima Toolsidass, Calcutta
The brain sends electronic impulses to the body.
It functions much as a mother board of a
computer, or a computer that remote controls a
Just as scientists have learned to control these
electronic gadgets, it is possible for us to
learn how to control the brain and avoid a
breakdown in the system of our behavior and
We are all attracted to people who are happy,
confident, attractive and appealing. In short,
we are attracted to the kind of person we'd like
to be. It is to be noted here, that good looks,
wealth, intelligence or position are never the
main reasons for liking someone. We can respect
them or pretend to like them because of these
factors, but liking, affection, and admiration
are another matter altogether.
It is seen that a person who wins the affection
and trust of others is always more successful.
Such a person receives far more cooperation than
someone who commands obedience by virtue of
position or qualities.
THE QUALITIES THAT ATTRACT:
- Each of us has to decide which we'd rather be
like - a strict disciplinarian who rules by
fear, or a well-loved, respected head, whose
staff and student and associates actually want
to do their best for him/her. Positive outlooks
affect the brain and this effects the health and
behavior of a person.
These are the qualities a person can cultivate
and develop, if she/he wants to be popular and
successful and happy.
THE QUALITIES THAT REPEL - EFFECT ON THE
- Being happy, optimistic, encouraging, and
- Showing a concern for others, treating people
as individuals with special qualities, being
prepared to give a little time to hear their
problem/opinion without prejudice.
- To treat others with respect, to be polite,
to be able to admonish without humiliating.
- Having self-confidence and being able to
convince others that they are trusted and
- Being organized and efficient, and able to
lead or be part of a team; to be able to take
decisions without dithering. To have clarity of
thought and be concise in communication. To be
able to evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of
others and consign work accordingly.
- Not to take credit for the achievement, but
to give credit publicly to all who have
contributed to the successful completion of a
- To learn from mistakes and be alert about
one's own faults. To be able to face failure
without losing heart. To recognize one's
potential and develop it. To acknowledge
weaknesses and not feel inferior, because there
is no one who doesn't have some faults or
weaknesses. To know one's capacity and try to
improve step by step; not set impossible targets
or give up on yourself.
1. Lack of confidence..... aggressiveness,
2. Feelings of inferiority.....tendency to boast
and put others down.
3. Being disorganized and lazy.....lying to cover
4. Desire to attract attention.....dress flashily,
misbehave in public.
5. Desire to be accepted.....to flatter people,
shower gifts/treats, hesitate to state your
opinion if it conflicts with that of the group
6. Wanting your own preference all the time;
7. Jealousy.....irrational and unpleasant
behavior, unfair criticism, slandering.
8. Hatred.....constant irritability, creating
tensions and unhappiness for everyone, becoming
a figure of ridicule and becoming a nuisance.
Negative attitudes are self-defeating and
destructive. They are our greatest handicaps and
biggest enemies. A negative person can be
neither happy nor popular.
And, the only one who can help to remove
negativity is you, yourself! Others can help,
but the help will be temporary and you will
eventually lose the love and respect of those
who care enough to want to help you be more
positive, and less unpleasant to live with.
When someone says, 'I don't care! I'm fine on my
own. My dog loves me!'
The person can bluff himself, and others, by
such a show of independence, but soon it begins
eating into her/his mind and body. She/he then
becomes susceptible to a number of diseases -
including cancer, ulcers, blood pressure,
clogged arteries, insomnia, indigestion,
depression, and a wish to inflict pain - sadism
A person can well say, 'I can't help my negative
feelings I need to know how to overcome them,
and become a positive person.'
METHODS OF DEALING WITH NEGATIVE ATTITUDES
1. Lack of confidence can be overcome by setting
short-term goals in the areas you feel
You can have a one-to-one talk with parents,
teachers, colleagues, and others you are close
to, and seek their help and encouragement to
enhance your self-confidence.
Face the fact that you have weaknesses - so does
everyone else. You are superior to those who try
to hide their inadequacies instead of making an
effort to overcome them.
Understand your strong points and develop them.
That will give you self-confidence.
2. Feeling inadequate and inferior - you have to
analyze whether you are, indeed, as inadequate
and inferior as you think you are. Everyone has
inadequacies and everyone is inferior to some in
some ways, and superior to others in some ways.
Then you have to examine the areas of your
inadequacies, and plan to overcome them. If that
is impossible (for example, nobody can become an
athlete, or mathematician, or Beauty Queen
unless born with the inherent qualities), face
the fact. Stop giving overdue importance to that
Everyone has skills that they can develop. Even
people with a low IQ, who have no special
skills, can be loved and be happy if they accept
the fact that the majority of human beings are
ordinary people with no special talents. They
lead happy lives because they are contented with
a simple lifestyle, working as best as possible,
being kind and helpful to others, and focusing
on what they have instead of brooding over what
3. Being lazy and disorganized is the one fault
everyone can overcome if they are willing to
exert some effort and have a little
4. A desire to attract attention is natural, but
it becomes dangerous when it turns into a
compulsion. This compulsion stems from giving
overdue importance to the opinion of other
people. It can be the beginning of a serious
psychological disorder, called megalomania.
Megalomania is what turns a man into a ruthless
monster. It should be recognized and controlled
before it ruins you.
5. A desire to be accepted and loved is natural.
To attain it, we have to accept others (not
finding fault all the time) and give them our
love and friendship. This means, if we are
sensitive to the feelings and needs of others,
we will win their love and be welcomed - not
just accepted - by those we care for. However,
acceptance and love have to be won by
understanding, sympathetic and helpful; neither
demanding nor forcing anyone to accept anything
6. Selfishness, wanting your own way all the
time. This tendency is bound to lead to
alienation and isolation. There is no excuse for
a child to be allowed to do as he/she pleases,
uncontrolled, as he/she grows up. If anyone
wants to be rejected by even their closest and
most doting relatives, this is an unfailing
7. Jealousy can be overcome, but requires
considerable effort and will power. A strong
wish has to be there, for the person to overcome
this green-eyed monster.
One helpful method is to try to become objective
about the person you are jealous of. Cultivate
generosity of heart by admitting that they
deserve credit for their good qualities.
Another is to make yourself admirable and
well-liked in your own circle.
A third method is to do positive imaging, seeing
yourself as completely free of the pettiness of
8. Hatred is generally for someone who has hurt
or offended you badly.
Forgiveness is the only cure. If allowed to take
root, hatred becomes a cancer of the mind,
causing severe distress to the one who has
hatred, and it leads to all kinds of destructive
behavior. It may, or may not, harm the hated
person, but it is like a fire consuming the mind
of one who hates. In fact, a person who harbors
hatred harms himself/herself more than anyone
Just as a disease like cancer needs a drastic
treatment like surgery or chemotherapy, hatred
needs to be removed by either the surgery of
forgiveness, or the therapy of directing a
mental flow of goodwill towards the hated
person. These will be artificial at first, but
if a person is determined to cure
himself/herself, it is worth it to put in a
sustained effort. It will take time, but if the
effort is sincere, it will definitely succeed.
The person will then feel a great sense of
freedom and lightness. He/she will have a sense
of relief and a deep peace of mind.
And, the net result will be to achieve the
factors that are the bulwark of a happy life. As
Doolittle said to Prof. Higgins, 'Take it or
© Arked Infotech 2016