Developing an attractive personality

Authored by : Purnima Toolsidass, Calcutta

The brain sends electronic impulses to the body. It functions much as a mother board of a computer, or a computer that remote controls a drone.

Just as scientists have learned to control these electronic gadgets, it is possible for us to learn how to control the brain and avoid a breakdown in the system of our behavior and health.

We are all attracted to people who are happy, confident, attractive and appealing. In short, we are attracted to the kind of person we'd like to be. It is to be noted here, that good looks, wealth, intelligence or position are never the main reasons for liking someone. We can respect them or pretend to like them because of these factors, but liking, affection, and admiration are another matter altogether.

It is seen that a person who wins the affection and trust of others is always more successful. Such a person receives far more cooperation than someone who commands obedience by virtue of position or qualities.

  • Each of us has to decide which we'd rather be like - a strict disciplinarian who rules by fear, or a well-loved, respected head, whose staff and student and associates actually want to do their best for him/her. Positive outlooks affect the brain and this effects the health and behavior of a person.

  1. Being happy, optimistic, encouraging, and emotionally well-balanced.

  2. Showing a concern for others, treating people as individuals with special qualities, being prepared to give a little time to hear their problem/opinion without prejudice.

  3. To treat others with respect, to be polite, to be able to admonish without humiliating.

  4. Having self-confidence and being able to convince others that they are trusted and valued
  5. .
  6. Being organized and efficient, and able to lead or be part of a team; to be able to take decisions without dithering. To have clarity of thought and be concise in communication. To be able to evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of others and consign work accordingly
  7. .
  8. Not to take credit for the achievement, but to give credit publicly to all who have contributed to the successful completion of a project.

  9. To learn from mistakes and be alert about one's own faults. To be able to face failure without losing heart. To recognize one's potential and develop it. To acknowledge weaknesses and not feel inferior, because there is no one who doesn't have some faults or weaknesses. To know one's capacity and try to improve step by step; not set impossible targets or give up on yourself.

These are the qualities a person can cultivate and develop, if she/he wants to be popular and successful and happy.


1. Lack of confidence..... aggressiveness, becoming quarrelsome.
2. Feelings of inferiority.....tendency to boast and put others down.
3. Being disorganized and lazy.....lying to cover up.
4. Desire to attract attention.....dress flashily, misbehave in public.
5. Desire to be accepted.....to flatter people, shower gifts/treats, hesitate to state your opinion if it conflicts with that of the group leader.
6. Wanting your own preference all the time; selfishness.....irritability, arrogance.
7. Jealousy.....irrational and unpleasant behavior, unfair criticism, slandering.
8. Hatred.....constant irritability, creating tensions and unhappiness for everyone, becoming a figure of ridicule and becoming a nuisance.

Negative attitudes are self-defeating and destructive. They are our greatest handicaps and biggest enemies. A negative person can be neither happy nor popular.

And, the only one who can help to remove negativity is you, yourself! Others can help, but the help will be temporary and you will eventually lose the love and respect of those who care enough to want to help you be more positive, and less unpleasant to live with.

When someone says, 'I don't care! I'm fine on my own. My dog loves me!'

The person can bluff himself, and others, by such a show of independence, but soon it begins eating into her/his mind and body. She/he then becomes susceptible to a number of diseases - including cancer, ulcers, blood pressure, clogged arteries, insomnia, indigestion, depression, and a wish to inflict pain - sadism or masochism.

A person can well say, 'I can't help my negative feelings I need to know how to overcome them, and become a positive person.'


1. Lack of confidence can be overcome by setting short-term goals in the areas you feel inadequate.
You can have a one-to-one talk with parents, teachers, colleagues, and others you are close to, and seek their help and encouragement to enhance your self-confidence.
Face the fact that you have weaknesses - so does everyone else. You are superior to those who try to hide their inadequacies instead of making an effort to overcome them.
Understand your strong points and develop them. That will give you self-confidence.

2. Feeling inadequate and inferior - you have to analyze whether you are, indeed, as inadequate and inferior as you think you are. Everyone has inadequacies and everyone is inferior to some in some ways, and superior to others in some ways.
Then you have to examine the areas of your inadequacies, and plan to overcome them. If that is impossible (for example, nobody can become an athlete, or mathematician, or Beauty Queen unless born with the inherent qualities), face the fact. Stop giving overdue importance to that subject.
Everyone has skills that they can develop. Even people with a low IQ, who have no special skills, can be loved and be happy if they accept the fact that the majority of human beings are ordinary people with no special talents. They lead happy lives because they are contented with a simple lifestyle, working as best as possible, being kind and helpful to others, and focusing on what they have instead of brooding over what they lack.

3. Being lazy and disorganized is the one fault everyone can overcome if they are willing to exert some effort and have a little determination.

4. A desire to attract attention is natural, but it becomes dangerous when it turns into a compulsion. This compulsion stems from giving overdue importance to the opinion of other people. It can be the beginning of a serious psychological disorder, called megalomania. Megalomania is what turns a man into a ruthless monster. It should be recognized and controlled before it ruins you.

5. A desire to be accepted and loved is natural. To attain it, we have to accept others (not finding fault all the time) and give them our love and friendship. This means, if we are sensitive to the feelings and needs of others, we will win their love and be welcomed - not just accepted - by those we care for. However, acceptance and love have to be won by understanding, sympathetic and helpful; neither demanding nor forcing anyone to accept anything unreasonable.

6. Selfishness, wanting your own way all the time. This tendency is bound to lead to alienation and isolation. There is no excuse for a child to be allowed to do as he/she pleases, uncontrolled, as he/she grows up. If anyone wants to be rejected by even their closest and most doting relatives, this is an unfailing method!

7. Jealousy can be overcome, but requires considerable effort and will power. A strong wish has to be there, for the person to overcome this green-eyed monster.
One helpful method is to try to become objective about the person you are jealous of. Cultivate generosity of heart by admitting that they deserve credit for their good qualities.
Another is to make yourself admirable and well-liked in your own circle.
A third method is to do positive imaging, seeing yourself as completely free of the pettiness of jealousy.

8. Hatred is generally for someone who has hurt or offended you badly.
Forgiveness is the only cure. If allowed to take root, hatred becomes a cancer of the mind, causing severe distress to the one who has hatred, and it leads to all kinds of destructive behavior. It may, or may not, harm the hated person, but it is like a fire consuming the mind of one who hates. In fact, a person who harbors hatred harms himself/herself more than anyone else can.
Just as a disease like cancer needs a drastic treatment like surgery or chemotherapy, hatred needs to be removed by either the surgery of forgiveness, or the therapy of directing a mental flow of goodwill towards the hated person. These will be artificial at first, but if a person is determined to cure himself/herself, it is worth it to put in a sustained effort. It will take time, but if the effort is sincere, it will definitely succeed.
The person will then feel a great sense of freedom and lightness. He/she will have a sense of relief and a deep peace of mind.

And, the net result will be to achieve the factors that are the bulwark of a happy life. As Eliza Doolittle said to Prof. Higgins, 'Take it or leave it!

© Arked Infotech 2016

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